After This.....

I don't know if I can articulate the awe that I am feeling within my soul. I am amazed at my God, how deeply He loves, and how tenacious He is for me to know Him. This has been a great Thanksgiving weekend - I took a much needed break from work and had a great time with family. More importantly, I had a great time celebrating my Lord and remembering who He is and what He has done for me.

On Friday, I spent some time watching Beth Moore's Revelation video - SO MUCH of this session spoke to me - from the very first words of the first verse in our study, "After this...",  (Rev. 4:1) - praise God there is an "after this" and I am not stuck in my circumstances. This particular session is teaching on Revelation 4 & 5; John's vision of the Throne Room of God. As the study progressed, she elaborated on 5:6 that says John turned and saw "a lamb as though it had been slain". This is so rich I can not even put it to words and do it any sort of justice, but because our Jesus was slain, is the only way I am even able to approach this throne - His throne. The throne of Almighty, All Powerful God - this was never even an option until He became sin (2 Cor. 5:21) and paid the penalty for ALL of my sins.

She also talked about a suitable helper for Adam and how he was first allowed to feel and know the loss, the absence, the depravity of not having a suitable counterpart for himself (Gen. 2:18-20). On Saturday (11-27-10), I read a devotional from Ransomed Heart (John Eldredge) about Eve being a "help meet" for Adam - the Greek/Hebrew is Ezer Kenegdo - Ezer is used only 20 more times in the Old Testament and then only refers to God Himself, when we need Him to come through for us DESPERATELY - when He is our ONLY hope - it means HELP - real, active HELP. WOW! I feel like I am so there - I am in desperate need; He is my only hope; but I find myself wondering if He is going to come thru for me; if He is going to help me - I keep reminding Him He is my Ezer. Thank You, Lord.

In Sunday School this morning, I watched the Beth Moore DVD again with my class, so the message I had already received about being able to approach the Throne of Grace boldly (Heb. 4:16) because of what our Jesus has done on our behalf was fresh and taking root into my heart. I then went on to our worship service. As soon as I walked thru the sanctuary doors, I saw the Lord's Supper prepared, and my insides SUNK. Is that horrible? I don't know how you may feel during the Lord's Supper, but I feel shame, wretchedness, seperation - my sin comes to the forefront of my thoughts and I feel absolutely unworthy to partake in something so holy - He has done so much for me and I have done nothing but mess things up. The songs we sang so spoke of God's redemption - it blessed my soul. Our pastor preached on 2 Corinthians 5:15-21 and talked about how 'On the cross, God treated Jesus as if He had lived my life, and in return, I get treated as if I lived His' - WOW! Beth discussed how my sin has been hurled into the sea that is before the Throne (Rev. 4: 6 & Micah 7:19 ), my Jesus paid my sin debt so I can come before His throne....BOLDLY.....asking Him to change my circumstances; I have access to Him so I can ask for help - I can trust He is my Ezer - my True HELPER, because He has reconciled me to Himself. He is my God and I am His daughter. This is something to definitely be thankful for!!

Abide In Me

Earlier today, I was watching a DVD in the Esther Bible Study by Beth Moore. I noticed she referred to verses, or passages of scripture, as "addresses". I believe she did this twice without making any reference to her wording; however, it caught my attention and I started thinking.

I have a tendency to "live" in the pit (as Beth might say). I have lived in various places of the same neighborhood - on the streets of despair, doubt, selfishness, unbelief, insecurity, discontentment - sad to say, but the list could go on and on.

God's Word has definitely been water to my thirsty soul, light to my darkness, hope in my despair - my peace, my life, my joy, my salvation. He is my God and I am ever so thankful for His Word. I have truly needed - more than food - to take in His precious words and roll them continually around my heart and mind - wanting ever so desperately for them to permeate every aspect of my being.

He tells us in John 1 that He is the Word made flesh and in John 15, He tells us repeatedly to "abide" in Him. Abide, or live, in Him, or His Word. Take these "addresses" and MOVE THERE - ABIDE - off the dark, harmful streets of destruction - ABIDE in the Truth, the promises, and in who God says we are, not what the world says about us or what the enemy says, or even what we falsely tell ourselves.

This has just stuck with me all day and I wanted to share it - I hope you don't mind.

I honestly hope her term "addressess" catches on - I absolutely love it! God is in the "moving" business. I can't wait to open my "Address Book" and see where He is moving me to next.

Our Senior Princess

These are a few of my favorite Senior pics for Sis. We have started the college tours and I am getting a little anxious realizing how fast she has grown up. We pulled up to the admissions office yesterday at one of the campuses and had our own personalized parking spot - right on the front row - with her name in print and all. Maybe that is common, but this is all new to us so we were pretty impressed to see her name on her own parking space. Choosing a college is very overwhelming and there is so much to consider - of course, financing is a big concern but when you are talking your child's future, there is a great deal at stake. We pray for God to move and place her where she needs to be so to fulfill the plans He has for her - He will provide the means.

We have a couple more we are going to visit and a slew of paperwork to get submitted regarding admissions and scholarships but it is fun entering this chapter of our lives - she's so excited and ready to get started - we are very proud.

In The Way Everlasting



Have you ever wondered why God didn't spare you from making some huge mistakes? I'm talking sinful mistakes here. In my depression several years ago, God lead me to Psalm 139 - now one of my favorites. I really focused on the last 2 vs, asking God to search and know my anxious thoughts (I had ALOT of anxiety during this time), see if there is any wickedness in me (I didn't necessarily feel wicked, but I definitely felt wickedness pressing in all around me), and lead me in the way everlasting (I so desired everlasting peace & joy - just to be happy again).

During that time, I framed those verses to serve as a constant reminder and hope in my God to deliver me from this dreadful pit - it's still on my bathroom counter today and I pray it often. My thoughts, however, are to see if there is any wickedness in me and spare me from it - You deal with it, God - get rid of it so it won't cause me any form of suffering.


This past year has been me dealing with some consequences of sin and I often wonder how I even got here. I had prayed in times past for "immediate" conviction - yet here I am. Why didn't God answer my heart's prayer?

Recently, during prayertime with my great friend, Linda, as we were focusing our attention on praying for our church and asking God to give us the spirit of wisdom so we can REALLY KNOW Him, He reminded me of what happened in the garden after Adam and Eve had partaken of the forbidden fruit. God asked Adam where he was - not because God didn't know, but He wanted Adam to realize where He was now - separated from His Creator and Friend. He now needed a Saviour because all hell had broken loose in his life and he felt hopeless, scared, and ashamed.

God did answer my prayer and He did abundantly more than I asked or imagined - He saw the wickedness in me sure enough - but I NEEDED TO SEE IT ALSO. In His grace and mercy, He showed me I need a Saviour - every day - apart from Him I can do nothing - I am nothing.

He is that Saviour!

I hope this blesses your soul today - we are on the way to everlasting. Amen!!

Drawing Near

James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." For some reason, I struggled with this verse today - I have heard it 'who knows how many times' before - I think it bothered me because it seems to put alot of responsibility on 'me' and I'm a mess - I don't always know how to "draw near" and I'm very scared of failing; missing Him.

Jesus tells us in John 12:32 that HE WILL draw all men to Himself when He is lifted up and John 6:44 says, "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me DRAWS him."

So we have Jesus telling us that HE WILL draw all men to Himself and NO ONE can come to Him unless He does DRAW them; but then James says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." Hmmmm.....

I received a pretty cool image of being by the water's edge and seeing something out a little way from shore. You want to "draw" it in, so you gently place your hand in the water and start moving the water towards you, in turn, the current begins to move the object closer to where you can reach out and bring it in closer to yourself. That object really has no choice but to go where the current directs, but we on the other hand, we sometimes swim with all our might - we fight against the current with everything in us to try and break away.

I think maybe that is what these verses are saying - God's sovereign hand is the one lovingly stirring those waters and trying to "draw" us to Himself and He is telling us in James to stop fighting - draw near - as we surrender to the current and allow ourselves to move in His direction, He will reach out - draw near to us - so He can grab hold and bring us in safely to Himself.

HE IS doing the drawing....I don't know what current you may be fighting; surrender and DRAW NEAR.

It's Been A Long Time

Wow! It has been a long time since my last post - what can I say, I found Facebook and have been communicating thru there. I have been missing this so I'm going to start it up again. So much has happened it the last two years - Sis is a Sr. this year and Bub a Sophomore - I can't believe it. Bub broke his arm Spring of 2009 and Scott's brother passed away just before Christmas 2009 - I think we are all still trying to grasp this. After Steven passed, Scott went to the dr. to get himself checked out and we were told he needed open heart surgery very, very soon. Our family was still grieving the loss of Steven - only a couple months had passed at this point, and now we were getting this news. Scott went thru the surgery on March 5, 2010, and is doing amazingly well. He is back at work, and other than a scar and he quit smoking, you wouldn't know we had gone thru this.

You would think that I would have so much more to update after nearly two years, but after the holidays in 2008, Bub broke his arm, work got crazy, holidays again and Steven passed, then preparing for Scott's surgery took a huge toll on this year - plus there was just normal life stuff - basketball, prom, homecoming, work, etc. I was thinking about how in 2008 - just before my "blogging" hiatus, I had gone on a mission trip to China. I was on a mountaintop, and must say, I was a little proud of myself for going - that was so far out of my comfort zone, I sometimes still can't believe I was obedient enough to go. I am so glad God allowed me to go; He so blessed me with that trip, but then immediately "life" happened and I found myself just trying to get by. I have been seeking and growing and thankful to God for that, but using this medium to share just lost its place in the schedule.

I wanted to use this blog to just unload thoughts, update about my family, journal what God is doing and showing me, and just to share life - however, that may look. I have written quite a few devotionals over the last few months and am going to try to get them loaded on here soon.

If you happen to read, please post a comment now and then, that is always encouraging. Hopefully, I will update soon and not in another two years.